It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
