I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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