That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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