i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
