dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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