Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was like getting head from an anaconda
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
