am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
