Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
