Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
