i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
