i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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