Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
