Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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