There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
