before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
