You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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