glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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