before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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