He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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