Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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