happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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