May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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