Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
