so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
