allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
