I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
