The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
