i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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