I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
