My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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