I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
