Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
