just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
