there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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