Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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