She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
