Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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