I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
