Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
