guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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