Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
