wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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