Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
