I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
