I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
