My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
