i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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