i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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