Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
