i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
