I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
