I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
