If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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