wat bout pragnant strippers??
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
