Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
