I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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