you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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