Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
