my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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