so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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