He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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