If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
