his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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