OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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