; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
