feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
