You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No subtext here. People are naked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
